Friday, July 1, 2016

We Bought A Zoo...

We Bought A Zoo... Well, not really. In reality, we bought a house. But, there is enough land for me to have chickens, and a goat, and a dog, and maybe a turkey. So we may as well have bought a Zoo. Albeit a petting zoo, but a zoo, nonetheless.

Yup. I said it. We. Bought. A. House.

Except that we haven't. YET.

I guess I should say We. Are. Buying. A. House.

Did you know, that in the San Francisco Bay Area of California, home prices are nearly TRIPLE what they are in similar climates across the nation?

Did you know that the average number of days a house in the San Francisco Bay Area stays on the market is LESS THAN 10?

Did you know that this is a SELLERS market? Because crazy ass people like me and Frank are more than willing to "play the game" and offer obscene amounts of money OVER the list price because, we, like most other married couples in their 30's, are crazy, and want to be property owners.

Did you know that Flood Insurance can ONLY be purchased through FEMA? And you LITERALLY have to jump through hoops to get it? But also, that you can't actually finish purchasing your home UNTIL you have valid proof of Flood Insurance?

Did you know that houses, yes, HOUSES - not townhouses, can be purchased in the San Francisco Bay Area for LESS than $530k? The house might be 90 years old, and need quite a bit of work. But at least it has walls, and a floor, and isn't falling down!

Did you know that Frank and I are crazy? Because we are. Because we are buying a house.

Do you remember when I may or may not have told you that planning a wedding was probably the most stressful and nerve wracking thing I'd ever done in my life, up to that point? Well maybe that was true, UP TO THAT POINT in my life. Up to THIS point in my life, trying to buy a house has been the most nerve wracking thing ever.

And now I'm pretty sure you're reading this saying, SHUT. UP. LAUREN! Tell us about the house/petting zoo you're trying to buy!

Here are a few details of the house we're buying:

- It's located in the "Little Portugal" area of San Jose, CA.
- It is, in fact, 90 years old.
- If all goes as planned, we will close escrow by July 20th
- The garage looks like it might fall down if it rains too hard (I verified with the inspector that this WILL NOT ACTUALLY happen.)
- It has 2 bedrooms and one bathroom - which means there is only ONE toilet
- It has a newly remodeled kitchen (sans dishwasher*) and newly remodeled bathroom
- The texture used on the plaster in the living room and dining room is called "Italian Swirl" (Apparently, there aren't any plaster/stucco workers left in the area that know how to create said texture.)
- When I walked in for the first time, I felt like I was walking into a home Grandpa had done work in, and he was bringing me there to show it off.
- The property is located in a Flood Zone - and apparently, acquiring a quote for flood insurance is an exercise in futility, because every time I think I've supplied what they're asking for, they ask for something additional.
- There's a "Bonus Room" / Screened In Patio in which we will host parties, family dinners, and probably Christmas.
- The walls in the living room, dining room, bedrooms, and bathroom are a lovely dove grey. And my inner interior designer can't wait to bargain shop herself into oblivion buying accessories and throw pillows and window coverings and wall hangings and themed table runners and new Christmas decorations and a wreath for EVERYTHING!


Monday will mark this Nation's 240th birthday. To further demonstrate just how free we really are, Frank and I have exercised the ULTIMATE display of Freedom and Independence...

We bought a zoo, err, a house, err, we ARE buying a house.

Absolutely!

*P.S.
Since my new house doesn't have a dishwasher, if you'd like to purchase a house warming present, we'll accept Costco sized bags of paper plates, plastic cutlery, and red party cups ;)

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