Real. Life.
Ok. It's been a long while, like a year and a half. Whatever. It happens. That's Real life...
When I started Flours & Diamonds I had hoped to fill it up with all kinds of recipes, adventures, anecdotes, etc. And maybe for a while, I did that. But now I think it's time to turn another page...
November 2014 we found out I was pregnant.
December 2014 we told our families
January 2, 2015 we found I was having a miscarriage
January 27, 2015 I shared that with all of you
Post-miscarriage life wasn't easy for me. I was angry, felt alone for some pieces because Frank doesn't outwardly grieve and I felt I needed that from him. I felt I needed to know he was affected, too. I sought counseling, struggled when I heard people close to me were pregnant, and broke down at the mere mention of someone asking me if/when we were having kids. Life was real, and I hated most of it.
It took about 2 years for me to fully recover and feel "ok" with my lot in life and how that first pregnancy turned out, or rather, didn't.
I have had zero pregnancies since then. None. At first I was optimistic, then I got realistic, then I got frustrated, and then I got REAL.
I was optimistic.
I had gotten pregnant once before, I was pretty healthy, and I WANTED to get pregnant again. We tried for a while, I bought ovulation kits, I tracked, you know, things. Still, nothing.
I got realistic.
There are, realistically, only 48 to 72 hours in a month where a woman can conceive. I, perhaps unlike many women, understand how my body works. I know how to evaluate my cycle, and what should be happening, when.
I got frustrated.
For 8 months I took my temperature with a Basal Body Thermometer. I peed on a stick every morning to see if I was ovulating. I sent Frank text messages telling him when we needed to have sex. Still, nothing.
I got REAL.
At the end of March I visited my doctor. I had my annual exam, and all was well. When she asked me about family planning, I cried. For the first time in about a year, I cried over the fact that I still wasn't pregnant. She patted my shoulder and said, "let's get you pregnant!"
I was referred to the Reproductive Endocrinology Infertility clinic at a Kaiser facility in Sunnyvale. I had to have blood drawn - and by blood, I mean a LOT of blood. And Frank had to, well, you know, have his boys analyzed ;)
At the beginning of May we visited with a young doctor who went over our test results with us, and much to my relief, we found out we're in good shape to conceive. With the exception being that Frank REALLY needs to quit smoking... But, you know, one thing at a time. I felt at ease talking with Dr. Abel and enjoyed seeing thank you cards from happy parents and photos of all the babies she'd helped create.
Yesterday I went for a baseline ultrasound. Let me tell you, it SUCKED. Apparently my ovaries sit pretty high and the NP was pushing that wand against my cervix and I was thinking, you can be done ANY time now! But she happily told me all things looked good and I have a good amount of eggs.
And so, today is the first day in a series of 5 where I will take a pill to help my follicles develop to a good size to release an egg. In a few days I'll go back to see the nurse for a one-time ultrasound where they put dye in my uterus (...yay -_-) to ensure all things REALLY look ok. Then, on 5/31, I will continue to pee on a stick and have yet another ultrasound on 6/4 to see just how many follicles I have, and if/when ovulation will occur.
If I don't get pregnant on this round, we'll continue this cycle for 4-6 months.
So why is all this being laid out for you on Flours and Diamonds? For the same reason I wrote Curves Ahead. Pregnancy loss and infertility are REAL parts of REAL LIFE. So if by sharing this upcoming adventure with people helps one of the people who reads it, well then, it's worth it.
And when we finally do end up with a child, y'all will be the first to know!
Plus, let's be honest, some of the shit that's gonna happen is bound to be pretty comical. So, enjoy the ride!
Absolutely.
When I started Flours & Diamonds I had hoped to fill it up with all kinds of recipes, adventures, anecdotes, etc. And maybe for a while, I did that. But now I think it's time to turn another page...
November 2014 we found out I was pregnant.
December 2014 we told our families
January 2, 2015 we found I was having a miscarriage
January 27, 2015 I shared that with all of you
Post-miscarriage life wasn't easy for me. I was angry, felt alone for some pieces because Frank doesn't outwardly grieve and I felt I needed that from him. I felt I needed to know he was affected, too. I sought counseling, struggled when I heard people close to me were pregnant, and broke down at the mere mention of someone asking me if/when we were having kids. Life was real, and I hated most of it.
It took about 2 years for me to fully recover and feel "ok" with my lot in life and how that first pregnancy turned out, or rather, didn't.
I have had zero pregnancies since then. None. At first I was optimistic, then I got realistic, then I got frustrated, and then I got REAL.
I was optimistic.
I had gotten pregnant once before, I was pretty healthy, and I WANTED to get pregnant again. We tried for a while, I bought ovulation kits, I tracked, you know, things. Still, nothing.
I got realistic.
There are, realistically, only 48 to 72 hours in a month where a woman can conceive. I, perhaps unlike many women, understand how my body works. I know how to evaluate my cycle, and what should be happening, when.
I got frustrated.
For 8 months I took my temperature with a Basal Body Thermometer. I peed on a stick every morning to see if I was ovulating. I sent Frank text messages telling him when we needed to have sex. Still, nothing.
I got REAL.
At the end of March I visited my doctor. I had my annual exam, and all was well. When she asked me about family planning, I cried. For the first time in about a year, I cried over the fact that I still wasn't pregnant. She patted my shoulder and said, "let's get you pregnant!"
I was referred to the Reproductive Endocrinology Infertility clinic at a Kaiser facility in Sunnyvale. I had to have blood drawn - and by blood, I mean a LOT of blood. And Frank had to, well, you know, have his boys analyzed ;)
At the beginning of May we visited with a young doctor who went over our test results with us, and much to my relief, we found out we're in good shape to conceive. With the exception being that Frank REALLY needs to quit smoking... But, you know, one thing at a time. I felt at ease talking with Dr. Abel and enjoyed seeing thank you cards from happy parents and photos of all the babies she'd helped create.
Yesterday I went for a baseline ultrasound. Let me tell you, it SUCKED. Apparently my ovaries sit pretty high and the NP was pushing that wand against my cervix and I was thinking, you can be done ANY time now! But she happily told me all things looked good and I have a good amount of eggs.
And so, today is the first day in a series of 5 where I will take a pill to help my follicles develop to a good size to release an egg. In a few days I'll go back to see the nurse for a one-time ultrasound where they put dye in my uterus (...yay -_-) to ensure all things REALLY look ok. Then, on 5/31, I will continue to pee on a stick and have yet another ultrasound on 6/4 to see just how many follicles I have, and if/when ovulation will occur.
If I don't get pregnant on this round, we'll continue this cycle for 4-6 months.
So why is all this being laid out for you on Flours and Diamonds? For the same reason I wrote Curves Ahead. Pregnancy loss and infertility are REAL parts of REAL LIFE. So if by sharing this upcoming adventure with people helps one of the people who reads it, well then, it's worth it.
And when we finally do end up with a child, y'all will be the first to know!
Plus, let's be honest, some of the shit that's gonna happen is bound to be pretty comical. So, enjoy the ride!
Absolutely.
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